New site about to be launched<div id="teaser2">Hello. We're currently in the process of moving, so the new site should be up and running any second now...</div>

There's swine flu, there's pigs shagging, but what are they saying…

Michael Douglas has an artificial knee fitted<div id="teaser2">Sprightly Michael Douglas is grinning vacantly away after having a knee replacement operation. To be fair he has no idea why he's grinning but everyone has been very kind, the nurses were lovely and a very attractive young Welsh woman brought him grapes (he can't eat them - they're not seedless and the pips go under the plate of his false teeth), hence his happiness.</div>

Jennifer Ellison says she only does lads' mag shoots for the cash. We thought it was for the art<div id="teaser2">Today our Stating The Bloody Obvious news desk and our Desperate To Squeeze Any Coverage At All Out Of My Dying Fame news desk have collided and, in the mangled wreckage, a new life form seems to be emerging. It's a bit like that scene in 'Alien' where the creature bursts out of that man's chest, but with extra Photoshop and bras. As of today, this will be known as Jennifer Ellison Syndrome.</div>

Guy Ritchie is planning a musical. Madonna stares at unringing phone<div id="teaser2">Famous for being a posh voyeur who re-makes the same gangster-glorifying movies over and over again and marrying a woman who looks like Rod Hull in a leotard, Guy Ritchie really is a complex character.</div>

Hugh Jackman is a generous man<div id="teaser2">It's increasingly rare in this world to find a celebrity who isn't chasing every greasy penny and still has time for the little people (not dwarves, but the people who watch their films, buy their music and douse themselves in their celebrity perfume). So hats off (those hats with the little corks hanging from strings) to 'Wolverine' actor Hugh Jackman who has proven himself to be a thoroughly decent bloke.</div>

Possible Amanda/Simon romance??

Finally he's out!

I like touching girls hair...

Nice shorts Stephen!

I Kim-ber-ly believe it!

Tinchy promises to get HM shaved in head!

Stewart Lee calls time on shit UK comedy at last<div id="teaser2">Spending far too long in the TV comedy wilderness, Stewart Lee finally returned to our screens last night. Across 30 minutes on BBC2's Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle, he swept away all the awful, pointless, moribund 'comedy' that has been stinking up the TV schedules for the best part of this millennium.</div>

Generation Kill. So good we reviewed it twice<div id="teaser2">You might have noticed that David 'The Wire' Simon's much-hyped Iraq War drama 'Generation Kill' has been reviewed before on this website. There are four reasons why this is acceptable behaviour...</div>

Would You Eat An Elephant? No, neither would they<div id="teaser2">As soon as you read the programme title, you know it's a Channel 4 show. It's widely known the channel operates a policy of dreaming up outrageous titles before they commission indies to work out what the hell they'll be about. Programmes in production at the moment include 'Would A Nazi Eat Angel Delight'? and 'The Otter That Dreamt Of Vaginas'.</div>

Country House Rescue - "It seemed like such a good idea"<div id="teaser2">Last night, while waiting for what's turned out to be an unexpectedly brilliant and rather charming Celebrity Big Brother, we found ourselves watching C4's Country House Rescue. Now, we're a bit late to this, since the series has nearly finished. And it may already be a Come Dine With Me-style cult. But twenty hours after, we're still thinking about it.</div>

I Can Make You Thin. Paul McKenna's new fat busting US show<div id="teaser2"> I'm not a doctor, but Paul McKenna is. So please be aware that I possess not one shred of the baldy, horse-faced hypnotist's knowledge concerning health and dieting, that's my caveat. 'I Can Make You Thin' also starts with a caveat, stating that you should consult your doctor before beginning any diet suggested by McKenna, that it may not work anyway, and the programme is for "entertainment purposes only". </div>

Generation Kill - The new one from the bloke what did 'The Wire'<div id="teaser2">For anyone who hasn't finished watching 'The Wire', hurry up. Mainly so we can all talk about it loudly without someone rushing out of the room with their fingers in their ears to avoid spoilers, but also because the televisual-rule-book-ripper-upper, David Simon, has a new series heading for UK TV.</div>