Today our Stating The Bloody Obvious news desk and our Desperate To Squeeze Any Coverage At All Out Of My Dying Fame news desk have collided and, in the mangled wreckage, a new life form seems to be emerging. It's a bit like that scene in 'Alien' where the creature bursts out of that man's chest, but with extra Photoshop and bras. As of today, this will be known as Jennifer Ellison Syndrome.

The oddly-proportion Scouser has shockingly stated that she only does lads' mag photo shoots in borrowed knickers and promo stuff like this excellent and tasteful advertisment for a Doritos Dodgeball promotion for the money.

We'll just give you a minute to absorb that shocking, mind-shaking news.

Astonishingly, she doesn't do it for the art. We had held this as a given. But we were wrong. How foolish of us to think that every time Jennifer broke into that sexless smile for the cameras, money was the last thing on her mind. We thought, idiots that we are, that she was doing it to make a bold art statement about society or something like that.

Jennifer - who increasingly looks like the offspring of Emma Bunton and that ginger fella from 'Mask' - has been lying to us all these years. We feel used, empty and dirty.

Is a world in which we know that Jennifer just does soft porn for the money really worth living in any more? We are just not sure. Today is a dark day. Today, dreams died. RIP, hope.

by HorseWorm